I'm a hypocrite.

I saw the original draft of this when i was looking at my past letters from my JASMS batchmates. in the draft, i made my face portray mild worry. but here, i drew a vacant smiling face. because i accept the fact that i'm a certified hypocrite. (who isn't...) I chose the rose for the flower because when a rose dies, it turns into a deathly black color intertwining with its blood red color then soon taking over. BYUTIFOOOL. i secretly YEARN to be a rose and have a beautiful death. i had even thought a lot of ways to die. but i'm still sticking to the forget-me-not for my favorite flower. for the shadow, at first i was planning for the "thoughts" to be represented through my flowing hair. but the end draft was so ridiculous, i scrapped it (maybe if i did this on paper and pencil, i might have better results) i made a shadow and i thought at first of putting it at her right side, standing up. but it meant covering a lot of her right side. so i experimented more and arrived with this. if this bends the rules of shadows, please let it be. i'm too lazy to correct it. i was supposed to cover the shadow with blood to appease my hunger (how ironic, i remember i'm hemophobic) but suddenly i decided to not use blood as much as possible anymore because it's becoming too abused for angst nowadays. but, well, i couldn't help myself, so i used an eensy weensy bit to satisfy myself. i made my dress blue because it's my favorite color. royal blue to be precise. at first, i accidentally colored it with blood red and i liked it. but i scrapped the idea, because as i said, i was avoiding the blood theme, yes?

The message isn't really just about hypocrisy. actually, the "Will you help me destroy it/still like me" crap was just an add-on. i sometimes think of evil stuffs that might make people hate me if they know it (like stab someone's face) or make me cry (like slice my new kitty's head with the opened can of tuna). so i drew this years before because i happen to ponder on what might have been if people especially those who know me suddenly became telepaths. and it somehow made me worried before.

and backgrounds still hate me... gaahd, when will i have the effort to care for backgrounds... -_-